My Weird, Crazy Life

I was supposed to see Dr B on the 6th of Feb, but for one reason or another it got cancelled and now I won’t see him until March.

By the time I do see him, it will have been about 6 months since my last appointment. It’s pretty unacceptable, but when you only have 1 psychiatrist at the community team I guess things can’t be helped. Doesn’t help me any though!

I have been desperate to see him, but between him being off sick, Christmas and a full appointment book I haven’t been able to have that luxury. I didn’t think I would ever feel the need to see him, but I certainly have these last few months.

Things have been hectic, I mentioned in a previous post about getting stressed out with uni. It got to the point where I was considering quitting because of all the stress. I got to speak with my dissertation supervisors and that helped me feel quite a bit better about things with uni. It also would have been silly to quit with just 1 semester to go.

When uni started back for the final semester, I felt that it would get stressful, but I have to keep telling myself that it is only 1 more semester. That helps a bit too. I was also worried about my marks for last semester. I carried a mark of 69.25 going in to year 3 which translates to a 2:1 classification. I was so mad because I left 1 PowerPoint slide out of an assignment that would have pushed it to over 70 and into the 1st classification bracket.

When it came to getting the marks for semester 1, I actually was quite surprised with myself. The marks I got are in the box below

This puts my mark so far at 71.81. I just need to to as well this semester to keep it over the 70 mark. The marks really helped me feel better about uni and now that I have a concept and prototype artefact for the dissertation, it has taken a lot of weight off my mind regarding uni.

I still have stresses with trying to keep my mental illness under control and this is why I am desperate to see Dr B. I have found myself doing odd things when I am out and about. Don’t judge me OK.

I find I am starting to suffer with mysophobia (germaphobia to you and I) the more I am outdoors. From the minute I get on the bus until the minute I reach uni, I have a fear of germs. I don’t want to touch the handrails, the doors, the seats or be sitting next to someone who coughs or sneezes or looks unkempt (bad judging on my part I know). I am scared to touch my face until I have made a beeline for the hand sanitiser and lathered my hands with it. I am finding my supplies dwindling quicker than I though. Jamie & I joked about how I should use some of my cleaning OCD at home. Funny one Jamie!

Another thing I do – and Jamie thinks it may be to try and counteract the anxiety of being outdoors – is count. I count anything and everything I see. Wind turbines, empty seats on the bus, people at the level crossing, lines on the road. If it can be counted, i’ll count it. It’s funny, Jamie and I were driving one day and we passed the onion factory in Chatteris and she asked me a question – to which I replied 6. I was counting the number of workers in the smokers shed and it just came out like it was the right answer to a question. We both joke about it and quite often we’ll both randomly shout out 6.

Another thing with the counting, and this is starting to concern (maybe not concern, more wonder) me as to why I do it. In Peterborough, there are 6 citi services that run through the city. I have started to count them too. Not the buses themselves, but making sure I see services 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 & 6. It can’t just be anywhere in Peterborough though, I have a certain area that I can only count them in. It is from the bus stop outside of Asda, Queensgate bus station and the job centre on Broadway. Anywhere else and it doesn’t count. Not even the other side of the lights or roundabout.

I don’t know where this has come from, but this is another reason I need to see Dr B. I think maybe my medication has just plateaued me out and isn’t improving things. I don’t know.

On a side note, since this semester has started I haven’t been able to see Shirley. I have to do phone appointments with her which is awkward as I don’t really like using the phone. At least I still get to chat to her.

There you go: my weird and wonderfully crazy life!