So, it has been about 6 months since I last posted and a lot has happened in those 6 months. I will put these as a bullet list and expand on them if necessary.
- I started Uni
- I quit my job
- I had a mental breakdown
I guess not as much as I thought. I will expand on each of them.
Uni
In September, I started a degree course with Anglia Ruskin University at the University Centre Peterborough. It is called Computing & Information Systems. It seems to be working out well so far. I have struggled with the C# programming aspect of it. I find it hard to concentrate on it. I think for my year 2 options, programming won’t be one of them. I find it hard to take in the info and work with it.
Work
Well, where to start with this one. I had to take some time off because of my mental illness and after a few weeks or so, I was starting to get hassled by my team lead and the ops manager for a date to return to work. I finally gave in and gave them a date when I would return to work. I knew I wasn’t ready, but I also knew that I didn’t want to lose my job because of my illness. I returned for about 3 or so weeks and couldn’t handle it at all. I was taking steps backwards and I wasn’t ready for that to happen. I felt that I had made so many steps forward at this point. I talked with my boss and I then decided that it wasn’t for me anymore. I was getting too stressed out and started hating life again. It was mid September that I left my job.
Breakdown
My breakdown happened when I was with my best friend. I was at his house with him and he was in the other room talking to his wife and I felt rage starting to bubble up inside of me. It wasn’t at anything or anyone in particular. One minute I was fine, the other I was not in control of things anymore. I said some stuff that I shouldn’t have and then I started to calm down again. We decided that it was best to come home and be with Jamie. I did feel that all was not right though, I had a feeling that I had lost a friend. I think if Jamie hadn’t made us both talk, I would have lost a friend. I don’t think he knew how to cope in that situation. We are all sorted now though, thankfully.
Yesterday (12 Jan 2011), I had an appointment with the DWP doctor about my claim for ESA. It was awful, I had to talk about everything that was wrong with me and how that prevented me from doing work or holding down a job. I just have to wait and see what is said from her report. Hopefully, it will go in my favour. Who knows though.
That is everything that has happened that I can think of. I will try to be better and post more often in future.