So, yesterday (Friday 4th June) I was invited out for a lads night out. I was quite apprehensive about going because I don’t do social situations anymore. I never used to be this way either, I loved to hang out with friends.
Jamie had been encouraging me to give it a try and see what it was like and that she would put in place a contingency plan should it be too bad.
I spoke to E about this and as mentioned in my last post we talked about it a little bit and what may be causing me to feel this way.
The 2 main things that are a problem for me are: Making a complete fool of myself and eating in public. I am worried with the eating in public that people will be horrified at me eating (I don’t know why they would)
When I was speaking with E, there was a 10% reluctance to go to the lads night with a 90% cost to my self esteem should any of the above happen. When I am on a downward spiral, the reluctance is 90% and the cost to my self esteem is 10% (I already feel horrible about myself anyway during these times and it would be folk confirming what I believe – hence why the risk is so minimal)
Well, I went to the lads night and it turned out to be quite good actually. I had a laugh. The others were playing video games and also football in the garden. We had some food. I did notice that nobody was bothered about how I was eating. I didn’t make a fool of myself either.
I did sit in the back garden for a while and enjoy the outdoor smell. A friend came out a little bit later and sat with me and chatted with me.
All in all, it was a good night and none of my predictions came true. I would be willing to risk it again since this one turned out so well. (Don’t tell anyone, but the women are always right!)