Just Some Musings

So, I had an appointment with Dr B this last Thursday so i’ll mention something about that and then some musings I have had this last week too

So, my appointment with Dr B was the usual 15 mins. He was asking how I was getting on with the meds, how school was going, how the wife and I are doing (which is the first time he’s asked – must know something I don’t). He was also asking if FCS had gotten back to me with an appointment. They haven’t and he seemed a bit peeved off. I was actually glad that he was because now I get the impression that he is doing something about it. He even tried to call them while I was there.

In other news…. not really news but just my week. I seriously considered quitting uni because of the stress of the assignments and also the stress of the change of meds. I’ve had time to not worry about school and I feel better about not quitting. School is hard at the best of times, at the worst it is nigh on impossible.

My anxieties have been heightened during this transition.I was on the bus on the way home from school and I didn’t feel safe at all. I felt that I was in some kind of danger and was acutely aware of people on the bus. Also this week, my benefits didn’t go in as planned. I woke up at 04:30 and checked the bank after I did. I couldn’t get back to sleep. I called the benefit office and I almost broke down in tears at the woman on the phone. It is such a pain during this transition.

I read some disturing stories this week about mental health sufferers and what people have been saying. I read a story that was linked to on Twitter. Here is the link (just so I can say I am objective) I read it and was really disgusted with his comments. I shouldn’t expect anything less from an idiot like this. Such comments are tactless at best and downright vile at worst.

Suicide is not a cowards way out and people who choose to take their own lives (I don’t use commit suicide as it is not a criminal offence in this country) must not be talked about like this. I read a good article from footballer Stan Collymore about this. Here is the link to that article.

It is exactly like Stan Collymore says. In a person that contemplates taking their own life, there is an overwhelming urge to not live. Fighting this urge is a massive battle in itself. Then to hear comments like that of Clarkson is sometimes almsot too much to handle.

As someone who has to constantly battle the natural urge to give up, hearing these kind of comments is very hurtful and disheartening. I am about to make a revelation that not many people know about. In February of 2010, everything was a bit much for me: I was in between meds; work was awful; life was just rubbish. Note: Jamie was amazing through all of this. I had decided that fighting the natural urge was just something that I didn’t want to do anymore. I had resigned myself to my decision and felt quite happy with it. I did think about the people I would leave behind and did wonder how they would cope, but I was in so much pain (yes, mental pain is just as real as physical pain) that I couldn’t concern myself with it.

That afternoon, I took a whole load of paracetemol while Jamie was sleeping. We were due to go to my folks that night for something – not quite sure what. I told Jamie as we pulled up what I had done. She took me home and called my folks and told them. I was taken to A & E straight away. While I was there, I had to speak to a psychiatric nurse. I had visits from the mental health crisis team every day for about 2 weeks.

I have a bit more of a clearer head now and I am glad that I didn’t do anything about it. I have to constantly fight this battle and it is one that I don’t know if I can win.

I read another article about how the government seem to be targetting the worst in society. During this time of austerity, it seems the most vulnerable in our society (of which I am one of those vulnerable) are most likely to have money taken away from them. It is something that cannot be done. The most vulnerable need to be protected. Here is the link to that article.

Another disturbing article here. A couple of disturbing facts from the report:

And here endeth my musings that I had this week. Your thoughts are welcomed