So, I am going to try to attempt the 2nd part of this exercise. It has required a great deal of thought on my part. It has required me to think long and hard about how I react to people, places and situations and how these have become learned behaviours.
I will start with people, then places and then situations.
If Jamie & I are arguing, then I tend to lay all the blame at my own door for the argument and everything contained in it. This comes from looking at the way arguments were handled growing up.
If people are horrible to me, then I tend to react with anger. I have learned this from people around me when I was growing up. It was often that anger was shown towards someone who said or did something that wasn’t agreed with.
If people pu me down, then I tend to agree with them. I have learned this as a child at home and also at school. I was always led to believe that I was worthless.
If I am in an unfamiliar place, then I tend to react with anxiety. This anxiety causes me to become paranoid that everyone around me is out to get me. It causes me to have panic attacks. This in turn leads me to not want to go out anywhere.
This kind of goes hand in hand with the Places. If the situation is one that I don’t like, then I tend to retreat. This retreat leads me on the path of wanting to be a recluse.
There are other things that I can add, but there is only 1 more that I will add. I used to do OU courses, but found the coursework too hard. I felt very dumb and stupid and felt that the school teachers were right in saying I was useless and would never amount to anything.
School bullies also played a part in how I react to things. I was bullied all the way through school and I show anger towards folk who try and verbally or mentally bully me.
See you for the next exercise folks.